He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Me. At least after what I've been through.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
