oh god was she eating orange peels again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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