I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I feel like abortions should bother me more
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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