how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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