Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
