how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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