Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
