My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
