True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
