Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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