I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
