i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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