So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
