Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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