Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
