Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
