'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
