Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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