I'm lost and stupid without you.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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