I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We got so high we made milksteak
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
