Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
