Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
