I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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