...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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