I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
