he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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