i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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