omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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