I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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