I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
