we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
