The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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