i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
