peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
