I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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