is your mom at the bar?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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