Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
