Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
