Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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