You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
