I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
