Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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