Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
