Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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