They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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