I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We have started to decorate penises.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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