When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
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Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
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We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize