Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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