The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
