this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
