Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
