Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
