o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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