hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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