I am puke
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
