Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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