I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
