meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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