There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
