I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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