id be glad to
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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