So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
